Now I wonder whether when the RSPB pulled out of Prof Stott's pro-GM Seedy Opportunists jamboree, starting this Thursday, they'd read what the good professor had to say about them in his **hilarious** "Real 'Green' Dictionary' " which can be found on Stotty's "ProBiotech Web Site" http://www.probiotech.fsnet.co.uk/

Is Stott really supposed to be a credible chairman of a conference which claims to be examining environmental issues relating to GM?
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The Real 'Green' Dictionary
On Deconstructing Environment Speak [a few items omitted or shortened]
© Philip Stott 2001

Animals - those cuddly things (e.g. badgers, pandas and seals - not scorpions!) that are much, much nicer than people.

Biodiversity - the best argument when you can't think of any other - everywhere can be conveniently made to be 'biodiverse'.

DDT - that nasty horrid chemical in Silent Spring which kills all the pretty birds

Degradation - something happening that we don't like.

Development- some dreadful change, which must be bad, corrupt, and capitalist, which we definitely won't like, and which will ruin everything forever.

Ecological Scare - some media-worthy event to scare the pants off everybody which is very useful as moral blackmail to demonstrate that we are 100% right and that we are all totally doomed if you don't believe us and do exactly as we say.

Eco-Warrior - a dysfunctional and/or self-appointed bigot (normally young, intellectually retarded, or having a tantrum because they are not getting their own way) who tramples over everybody else in the name of their own Environmental dillusions, but who expects to be exempted from all responsibility for their actions when brought to court.

Environmental - something vaguely 'good' that sounds nice, which will help all the little animals, birds and (sometimes) plants, and which can be used as a mantra against change and development.

Environmental Monitoring - finding the very worst Ecological Scare possible.

Ethical Investment (Environmental) - investment in things that we have decided are 'good' for everybody else and for the planet, like Organic Food, but absolutely not GMOs (so don't worry about all the unemployment, poverty, food shortages etc.); has little to do with morality, like managing to produce enough food to outstrip population growth, pests, diseases, and change, for example;

Global Warming - a political idea to hammer the use of the car and prevent all further industrial development, and a perfect source of Ecological Scares

Greenpeace - a fun opportunity for (mainly upper class) climbers, absailers, boaties, and young folk who are out for a laugh, but who still want to feel 'good'. "Met this chap at Eton...."

NGOs (Environmental) - an opportunity for a cool job (with lots of travel) for young people who don't know what to do with their degrees or, for that matter, their life; alt. organisations inflicting ill-trained naif young people on the rest of the world, including the poor.

Organic - a trendy colour supplement life-style choice for those who can afford it, for those who feel they and their babies (dogs etc.) are extra-special, and for those who want to spend time playing with mud and manure (it's Natural) - "And it's better for you all, you know, even if you can't afford it or don't want it."

People - nasty 'bacteria' who teem and ruin the Earth; alt. everybody who doesn't do precisely what we say and want.

Plants - best if big trees (Rain Forest) or with pretty flowers. Not much time for lichens and mosses, though.

Pollutant - any substance, preferably with scary-sounding name

Population Growth - all those People who are spoiling our little world and who are less valuable than we are.

Precautionary Principle - an anti-change anti-evolutionary 'Stop-The-World-I-Want-To-Get-Off' mentality which aims to prevent all development and growth by using whatever convenient ecohype or fears happen to lie to hand.

Rain Forest - our icon, our long-lost Eden, a jungly place of animals and birds and 'the lungs of the world' [Er! - don't lungs take in oxygen?]; unfortunately found in poor benighted countries where we don't live. "Never mind, we'll teach them what to do."

Renewable Energy - any way of generating electricity other than the nasty way we do it now. Usually romanticized to be without risks or any environmental impact whatsoever (the grass is greener! [Er - not without CO2]). Nobody, however, really knows that much about 'renewables' while some country folk don't like giant whirring wind farms stalking their lovely hills, but... "Renewables must be better? Promise!" So don't get the wind up, it's the sunny side of the street!

RSPB - "Aren't birds sweet!", or nerds with binoculars, but above all 'lots-o-money' and the "Our feathered friends are more important than anything else in the world!" brigade.

Savanna, Steppe, Fynbos et al. - "Er -what's that!"

Scientist - (i) 'Non-Green': a very dangerous man in a white coat who will turn the world into Mordor; (ii) 'Green': a person who tells 'the truth' about what humans are really doing to the Earth.

Sustainab-le/ility - normally used in combination as an ameliorative adjective (e.g sustainable growth, sustainable development, etc.). A pleasant sounding word dating from the late-1980s, much used to hide the fact that change is the norm and we inhabit a non-equilibrium world. When used by environmentalists, sustainable means "no development"; when used by industrialists, it is a neat PC word, all PR but meaning absolutely nothing; when used by scientists, it means "Please give me some money for my research", by politicians "your nice 'Green' vote."

WWF - great opportunity for neo-colonial scientists who find it difficult to raise funds or to get into foreigncountries to carry out their animal and plant research. And they can feel good too.

Contributions from Tim Craig, Barry Hearn (EVAG), and Greg McCall gratefully acknowledged.